#SelfLoveSunday Let Yourself Go
How do I get to a place where I am intentional about taking control of my spirit?
Inspired by Sarah Jakes Roberts
I wished I had listened to this sermon before I began writing but I truly believe it was perfect timing. Sarah Jakes Roberts, author of one of my favorite books and also a Pastor has a sermon "Let Yourself Go". After I spent the day doing laundry and grocery shopping for the week, it was in my spirit that needed to hear the word of God. Last night I was thinking about how I have strayed away from God. During the time, it was evident that things weren't so great when it came to my spirit. To continue, that's exactly what she speaks about. God speaks in spirit and allow your mind to follow. She encouraged to take control of our spirit, and when she said this, "when you don't allow an emotion to pass it becomes your identity.". Whew! This was only the beginning. As I am listening all I could think about is how much it is aligning with me. Mind you, the sermon is from three weeks ago. I read the title and I clicked on it not knowing what to expect. Furthermore, she goes on to say, identify and breakup with the spirit that should have been an emotion. I was angry but I didn't become it. I was depressed but I didn't become it. Spirits are contagious. In other words, when we express how we can feel energy this is what she is referring to. In the end, the message is clear: Let go of yourself. We're hanging onto who we used to be, the expired version of ourselves. Lastly, she went on to say that God wants to give us the newer version of ourselves but you have to let go (sacrifice). Shrinking ourselves, insecurities, and seeking validation, all of that has to go.
Here is how it resonated with me. It has been awhile since I have written a blog post. I couldn't find the words to piece together. Typing and deleting. The idea of perfectionism gotten the best of me. If you weren't aware, it is a form of procrastination and I've definitely done that. I will say that my focus has shifted on other things, and other things is making another big move in my life. Which in this case, "downsizing". I am moving back home. There was plenty of time spent on finding the root of my decision-making process. Asking the question, why? Becoming more self aware than I have ever been. What I have found was that I am impulsive but learning how I can control that. Moving to Louisiana was an act of impulse and emotion. Everything sounded good and that it seemed it was all coming together. I graduated college, quickly had to figure out my next plan because it was non existent, looking for work in the beginning of a pandemic to save money and my thoughts during it all is, "I have to get into a a grad program and find a job in my field and move away and get a new apartment and a new car and then I'll be living the life because that's what I'm supposed to do." but who said that though? I had a conversation with a friend and she made it a point to remind me that social media makes us feel like we're not doing enough but we all have our own path. Later realizing that this path was never intended for me. I don't ever recall being stagnant until now.
Ten months of being confined within these walls of my apartment and living at work began to take a toll of my mental health. There were a ton of moments of feeling lonely and then allowing my spirit to become it. I wasn't sure if it was depression but I always came back to this particular feeling. I wrote in my notes, "Here's this feeling again. Coming and going, as usual yet waiting to escape it.". I miss home whether that is my family and friends or the community at Wiley. Surviving these times, I knew that I needed communal support. Moving forward that is a requirement. I had completely isolated myself and it has been triggering for sure. Maintaining long distant relationships is manageable but not easy if you're not intentional. I do value my alone time but it was too much of it that I had. You know at the end of Ari Lennox's song Apartment when she said, "and then I realized.. omg! I need people!", yeah it's like that. I was taught that if you didn't get what you wanted, you were given what you needed. In this, I needed to endure another path of self discovery. I needed to find out what was important to me. I needed to accept my capabilities. I asked myself, how long will I allow myself to feel like this? That's when I knew what I needed to do. I don't know what all will happen on the other side (the unknown), but it is a door of possibilities and only God knows.
What part of yourself, will you let go?