Are Gifts my new Love Language?
I received a Valentines Day gift. I was happy but surprised because I didn't expect it in that moment, so in my mind I thought, "Thank you for thinking of me," also, it made me think further about gifts in general. To be honest, years ago, I felt a sense of shame when it came to receiving gifts and this is because I wasn't necessarily surprised with gifts and additionally, there was an association concerning the cost that made it even worse. I didn't feel comfortable even acknowledging receiving a gift is something I wanted. I sort of minimized my wants and desires to uphold these bullshit ass values assuming it didn't matter because of appearing as being "materialistic". Having that attached to me was something I didn't want because more than likely there was negative connotation. Before, I've witnessed others receive gifts on a consistent basis and I thought it was so special; it led me to reflect on, "Why hasn't this happened for me?". Could this have been based on my mindset, automatically discarding the idea of it? Especially with not vocalizing it, or simply it wasn't the mentality of the other person at that time. However, the language and the mindset I had definitely held power for a long time. What I would like to note is that I've been given gifts before, some were sorry gifts that held no weight and the rest were in part of holidays or special occasions such as my birthday. It's not to say I never received a gift, I feel that it's rare that I had.
I'd like to think that I have given sentimental gifts, and doing so was the light bulb moment of how I'd shown love to others, through my real love language, Receiving Gifts, (Acts of Service and Words of Affirmations were my primary and secondary). It's so crazy how I given myself the short end of the stick because I taught myself how to not receive, not only gifts in particular but affection and care. I'm always saying, "that's okay, I got it." or declining the offer when I'm asked if I needed help carrying my bags. Yeah, I'm done with that lol, I'm going to work on it by telling myself, "Ms. Girl, you need to chill and allow someone else to take the reins.". Seriously, it needs to stop! Growing up, I felt guilty for buying myself anything because I believed I wasn't worthy to receive it, I didn't want to feel that I was selfish. I always thought my family was different from others because we didn't celebrate major holidays like Christmas so every time Christmas came around, I never expected to receive anything until "Tax Time". Dating back to that time, as a young child, I had already put that in the back of my mind and that guided me for awhile. Not only had I taught myself not to receive or expect to receive, but I taught others how to treat me. Receiving Gifts is my way of knowing that I was thought of, and that I was considered in a special way. It's much deeper than what I assumed years ago. As I continue to grow, I will do the work to ensure that I am prioritizing myself but most importantly, never settling and I want you to do the same.
Happy Love Day lovelies!