Not me slowly popping back in from a four-month hiatus! I must say that my social media break was much needed by taking out the time to quiet the noise. It began after my birthday in March. One night, I picked up my phone and started deleting and hiding my social media apps. I realized I wasn't in the best place mentally. I couldn't pinpoint it, maybe it was depression, but I had reoccurring thoughts determining that I didn't feel good about who I was. There was no challenge in stepping back, honestly, I thoroughly enjoyed it and whenever I have taken social media breaks it's like a breath of fresh air.
What did I do with my time?!
First, I focused on my health. If you are an avid reader of my blog posts, I have talked about this before, but I have been informed that I needed to go on a low-carb diet and increase my physical activity however this time it was different because I was considered a pre-diabetic. I have struggled with consistency and in the past even knowing that was not enough. So, when received the call immediately I felt discouraged and disappointed that I had gotten to this point in my life because I made a commitment to myself years ago after my dad passed to take preventative measures. I felt that I failed.
The mentality you have sets the tone, in my mind I wanted the process of working out to go by quickly, I did not want to go through it. Truthfully, working out isn't fun for me depending on what you do. I had to shift my mindset and do something different by figuring out what will stick. It took me back to a time; I would say around 2010 when going on walks became a thing for me. I would get up and go on these long walks while listening to music on my mp3 player. I thought to myself, let me add that element back into my life. Recently, I discovered that the girlies are calling it "hot girl walks", and going on my morning or evening hot girl walk is what sticked for me while enjoying the early 2000's RnB along with motivational music like Nipsey Hussle's Pandora station or podcasts, such as @womanevolve or @therapyforblackgirls.
As far as the food aspect. I like vegetables and fruit, and I mainly eat turkey, shrimp and chicken but I am a fan of sweets and fried foods therefore making those changes were a little bit challenging especially thinking that I am an emotional eater. If I had a bad day, I'm going to go get Wings N More or a blizzard from Dairy Queen. I have allowed myself to still enjoy the foods I like but in healthier ways. I do love recreating meals at home which helps with being able to substitute certain ingredients and managing my portions. Easily, I'm going to TikTok for ideas regarding grocery hauls or healthy snack ideas but mostly I am considering what I like to eat by creating a consistency with the meals I cook and interchanging them, so I won't become burnt out on the same foods.
I learned that I cannot eat the same thing five days in a row, maybe three at most so I make it work for me. If I did choose to eat out, I am intentional on what it was and again managing my portions. For example, Chik-Fil-A is one of the food apps I have downloaded, and usually I order the grilled chicken nuggets instead of fried, given that I am a fry's girly, deciding if I want small or medium can be difficult at times, and since I'm not a fan of sodas, ordering the diet lemonade is my choice of beverage. I had to recognize that those small, tiny habits make a big difference. We can get so easily caught up in overlooking that 1% is still progress.
"I tried to change it with my hair,".
Cranes in the Sky by Solange was my theme for the month of May. I did a thing. Twice actually. I did the big chop again, but this go around, I relaxed my hair. I wanted to travel back in time to when I felt that I liked myself best but also including what I felt other people liked me best as (that people pleaser showed up here). I knew it was short hair, but I took it further and for that temporary moment, I discovered that I did not want this for myself. I was looking to fill a void. Hell, I didn't even maintain it to be honest with you. So, I did another big chop cutting all of the relaxer out and now I'm back to #teamnatural.
I did a lot of self-reflecting. I recorded audios, journaling had been put on pause for such a long time, comparing it to how it was in college when I carried my journal with me and wrote every single day. A friend of mine mentioned how talking it out helps and I came across a video where a woman (I believe she was a therapist) had recommended to start talking to yourself as if you were talking to a therapist. This was one of those moments.
In June, I took time off for three weeks, at this point I was overwhelmed with work. I have a history of making impulsive decisions, and that's what I did when I transferred my job last November feeling that I needed something, later realizing that I was unhappy in that role. In addition, I was working from home full time and to provide an unpopular opinion, working from home does not work for me especially factoring in that I currently live at home, so I was working out of my bedroom. Structure in my life was becoming nonexistent and I felt isolated.
After my leave was over, I decided to transfer back to my previous position, however at the same time I did not want to feel I was going backwards. I learned of an opportunity to grow, and I had financial goals that I had been praying on, so I applied for a higher position and got promoted two weeks later plus, I can telework on days of my choosing which provides me that balance.. I was aiming to do this next year actually to give myself time to "prepare" but I decided to trust God and myself and go for it.
To come to a closing, there were a lot of other things I took upon like of course spending time with my loved ones, going to church, creating a new vision board by redefining my goals, practicing self-compassion, preparing for upcoming travel adventures, and more and so I am looking forward to sharing that with you. Fun fact: In college, I was Miss Jackson and during the campaign I had a saying, I aspire to inspire. Though our story and journey are not a linear one, I hope that my story can inspire you in some way. Thank you for reading and if you enjoy my blog posts, please subscribe! I have some great topics to share but this time, I am joining others in these topics this year. Stay tuned <3
With love,
Vivion L. Green